The totally useless equipment guide No. 3:
Transparent plastic water-carrying things
Bad points & features:
- No-one knows the proper name for a start. Clearly when God ordered Adam Watson to dish out monikers to all the beasts that creepeth and crawleth on the earth, the early versions of these contraptions missed out.
- Carrier's life expectancy severely limited by a tendency for it to slip from grasp whilst being filled, then to bob away downstream like a freshwater jellyfish. Even if this doesn't happen, an empty carrier will sooner or later be plucked away by a sudden gust of wind, resulting in it floating about, just above head-height, like ectoplasm at a Spiritualists' Convention.
- Has anyone ever found a river fastflowing and deep enough to adequately fill one of these things?The River Dsana'pyara in theYangshung province of China reputedly fits the bill, but few Munrobaggers ever venture any further east than Mount Keen.
- Once used, water-carrier remains wet no matter how much effort is devoted to drying it out. Convector heaters, toilet hand driers, woodchip saunas - all will fail to remove the last vestiges of moisture. Even the innermost recesses of Braeriach's snowfields have been known to succumb more easily.
Good points & features:
- Make lots of new friends by balancing carrier on half-open bothy door, such that it drenches newly-arrived strangers after their hard day on the hill.
- On frosty winter nights, balance water-carrier on your camping stove, heat to as near boiling point as the plastic will allow, then place inside sleeping bag. Hey presto! A portable hotwater bottle!
- When snowholing on the Cairngorm plateau, use a snow-filled carrier to block icy draughts from sneaking in the doorway. Similarly, if snowholing in March or April in years when Easter comes early, enact your own Passion Play by employing the carrier as the stone to be rolled away from tomb/snowhole door.
- Once in a while you will meet the hillwalker of your dreams on a summit somewhere. If perchance the feeling just happens to be mutual, and if perchance you have both forgotten to bring with you the necessary - and totally useful - equipment, try using an empty water carrier as a makeshift (That's quite enough of that kind of filth - prudish Ed.)
TAC 3 Index