This land is your land...
- Despite the fact that the dreaded stalking season is now upon us, not all of this autumn's southern invaders will be armed with double-barrelled names and double-barrelled shotguns. With a speed limit of 10 mph soon to be introduced in the English Pond District (for boats, of course, not cars - the latter having been traffic-jammed down to single-figure speeds for many a long year already), the larger highland lochs - notably Lomond and Earn - can expect a sudden influx of erstwhile Windermerean and Ullswatonian speed merchants. So watch out next time you fancy a refreshing swim across to Inchcailloch or Inchmurrin - you may end up being split from stem to stern by a cruising Moody or Gin Palace. Then again, stick to climbing hills - there's marginally less chance of being mown down by a mountain bike.
- Overheard recently on summit of Ben MacDhui, second highest summit in the land and many a long mile from anywhere. One elderly, be-anoraked hillwalker to his equally elderly, similarly be-anoraked spouse, whilst perusing the 1:25000 Cairngorms Outdoor Leisure Map. "No no dear, when those lines that look like brown rings are far apart, it's safe to walk; when they're close together, it's treacherous...". Good to know at least some people are still reading Langmuir.
- And whilst on the subject of competence or otherwise, did anyone else hear the man from the Scottish Tourist Board's contribution to one of Colin Bell's Head On programmes on Radio Scotland the other week? The subject was the ubiquitous midge, and amongst numerous shafts of perception came assertions that (a) the midge was the tourist's friend, and (b) the biting blighters only come out to play when the sun is shining. Maybe TAC should fax an official "This land.." memo through to the STB head office: a week-long midge-familiarisation course please; time: mid-August, location: Glen Brittle campsite.
- And, finally, a request. Can any readers supply more information on the upcoming movie to be filmed in and around a Lochinver hotel and starring Michelle "Fabulous Baker Boys" Pfeiffer and Michael "Fatal Attraction" Douglas? Such as what's the movie called, when does pfilming start and, if any hills are to be climbed, will they be the Pfannaichs, Pfoinaven or Pfarkle? All we know for sure thus far is that certain male members of the hotel catering staff have placed an order for extra large cutlery, knowing full well that it taks a lang spoon tae sup wi' a Pfeiffer.
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