The Angry Corrie 8: Jul-Aug 1992
Beard awareness column
(Apologies to Harpies & Quines)
Not many people know that the male of the species is unique in having an organ solely devoted to pleasure. After years of academic debate by anthropoligists and geneticists into its ultimate significance, it appears that the beard serves no other purpose than to give pleasure to the owner. The exact form of the pleasure can include stroking, frightening cats and dogs and trapping small morsels of food. As a side issue there is not having to shave.
Yet in spite of the unique nature of the beard, some men don't even seem to know they can have one. One can guarantee that if women had an organ solely devoted to pleasure it would be trumpeted from the rooftops by trendy feminist magazines such as The Peoples' Friend, My Weekly, Sunday Post etc. Yet men are more likely to blunder rudderless through the portals of manhood unaware of the possible pleasures open to them. Occasional enlightened guidance teachers may have gently prodded them in the direction of the moustache, but chances are there will have been no educational input into chin erogeny. Men's magazines merely serve them a constant diet of football, fishing and horse racing.
Well it's not going to continue; welcome to the beard awareness column. Next issue we will be publishing full facial anatomical diagrams to leave no doubt where the delicate flower grows. We will also be welcoming tips from readers on growing, stroking, and pruning the beard. The beard is coming out of the bothy and into the sun.