True Stories about Notables No. 3:
The House of Windsor
The Duke of Edinburgh, patron of the World Wildlife Fund or similar, was up at Balmoral conserving the red deer. He had been out three days and seen nothing. This was his last day, when he was due to return to London to save the panda or the monarchy.
It was what they call a "soft day": fine drizzle, low cloud, a day when the water table and the clouds merge. You must know the sort: they are fairly common in the west. (Never seen one myself - Ed.)
After several hours, Himself and the ghillie spotted a shootable stag some way off. The problem was it would not play the game and stand still to be shot, but kept grazing and ambling along most inconsiderately. The ghillie said that if they were to skirt round ahead, they could reach a position where there would be a moraine bump between them and the deer. This would give cover to get the rifle set up in position such that when the deer appeared out of the end of the bump it could be shot with ease.
They were ready, waiting for the deer to emerge, when, in a flash, like a scalded cat, the deer bolted out of the end of the bump and disappeared into the gloom. A few seconds later this day-glo anorak appeared; ambling along the path the deer had taken, not a care in the world.
Up jumped the Duke followed by his retainer and descended on the walker.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here?", demanded his Highness.
"I'm on my Duke of Edinburgh's Award", replied the day-glo.
Further conversation was dissolved by the fine drizzle and remains unrecorded.
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