The Angry Corrie 11: Feb-Mar 1993


Crag rat chat (letters)

Dear TAC,

Many thanks for TAC. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but, flicking through, can I just point out that Tam Weir photie on p3 is of Walt Poucher, not Madonna - an easy mistake, though!

All the best,

Jim McNeil

Sheffield, Albion

Ed. - Well spotted! On the original colour version, "Donna's ma" was wearing green eyeshadow, hence the confusion. The Steinway Grand balanced on the Sgumain skyline beyond ought to have given the game away though - and all this on P3 too!

Dear TAC (and Murdo),

Has the nail finally been hammered into the coffin of Shug's 3000' mark? A cursory glance at the Scotchland bit in the MacMillan Guide to Britain's Nature Reserves revealed the following fact about Ben Lomond: "...the most southerly of Scotland's mountains over 1000m...".

This was among several other glaring inaccuracies - I seem to remember a reference to "the northern cliffs of 1200m high Ben Lui".

Aye well, for all this we'll have the plagues of sportscar-driving Curtis Stigers fans away from the better, sub-3282' Munros.

Regards,

Benefactor Shitehawk

c/o The CIC Hut, Madagascar.

Dear TAC,

I have never taken the trouble to write to any publication previously, but the content of TAC10 beggars belief. Not only do we have Tom Rigg remonstrating with you over the use of mindless gibberish, but you have actually preceded it with the worst example I have ever seen! In addition to insulting, thus alienating, your sensible readers, you seem to be unaware that this sort of thing spreads quickly through the lower ranks if not nipped smartly in the bud. I suggest that you strive to ensure such nonsense is not printed again.

Yours etc,

Captain M. Madden

Penicuik

Ed. - Stick to selling doubleglazing, like all your fellow townspeople!

Dear Sir,

I would like to congratulate Tom Rigg upon his astute observation concerning my mental state (TAC10, letters), but feel also that some qualification must be made.

I have, perforce, lived most of my life in the very flattest, dullest corner of Albion's monotonous plain imaginable and this has, inevitably, had a profound effect upon my mental capacity. Imagine waking up every morning and instead of a fine mountain like Beinn na Lap you are greeted by a vista of green fields and hedgerows interspersed with quaint little village pubs! It's enough to drive anyone to drink (as indeed it has).

However, I do take offence at the insinuation that my article, "The Great Stalking Con(troversy)" (TAC9) might not actually be entirely true. It was the Queen Mother herself who told me the story, at Hogmanay a couple of years ago. We were having a few quiet drams (gin and tonic for the Queen Mum) in a pub near Balmoral when the conversation turned to the subject of stalking. She said she'd seen documents proving the "conspiracy" in an ante-room of the Royal Chapel at Windsor Castle. Any coincidence between my article, which undoubtedly caused some concern in high places (aye - 400m up near Corrour Station - Ed.) and the recent, mysterious fire at the chapel is pure speculation...

After the Queen Mother had left I finished the bottle of Talisker and then returned to Gelder Shiel bothy where I encountered a little green gnome who confirmed what I'd been told. So it must be true.

Yours insanely drunk,

Prospect

Albion

Ed. - Come to think of it, shouldn't folk who come from Albion be called "Albinos"?

Dear TAC,

I write to complain about the sexist slur printed in TAC10 (see Braes Beefs). SMISG is most certainly not involved in any of the activities outlined by your Penicuik reader, we all know who he is and he is not smart by the way.

It is hardly surprising that he does most of his hill-walking in his own company. Please do not allow him further space in your otherwise fine magazine.

Yours,

Miss Terry

Kelvindale

Ed. - And perhaps you should stick to dragging pre-teen weans up big wintry hills at 1pm like your fellow townspeople. Or was that Kelvinside?

Dear Uncle Murdo,

I have a very embarrassing personal problem; I hope you can help me. Recently I was talking to a friend, someone I thought I knew well, about what he'd done one wet and wild Sunday this August. He told me he'd gone up Meall nan Tarmachan. I commented that navigating along the ridge in zero visibility must have been interesting, to which he replied, with no hint of shame, "Oh, I just went straight up and down".

I can only conclude, to my horror, that he is a Munro-bagger. I don't expect to be able to cure him but I am now afraid of being seen with him in normal company. He doesn't seem to realise there is anything the matter with him. In mitigation, he is English and he's kind to his mother. What should I do?

Yours in desperation,

Anna Keegach

Somewhere in Scotland

Murdo replies - On the contrary my dear Anna, I thoroughly approve of your friend's behaviour. It appears he has attended one of my therapeutic symposia on "Primal Summit Therapy". It was here that Mike Oldfield got his ideas for Tubular Bells II, here where Charlie Windsor learnt the mystical connexion between tiaras and tampax, and here where your pal decided to climb Tarmachan by the most Karma-efficient route - good ideas one and all!

Dear TAC,

An issue of great concern I would like to address is the striking similarity between Warbeck and the Swan (who in their own Hitchcockesque way appear in TAC5), and the new superheroes Wayne and Garth from the film Wayne's World - now on video - copies attached for perusal.

This raises fundamental questions for your readers... Are members of the TAC team moonlighting and selling their unique talents to Hollywood for a fistful of Gore-tex?? Are they so desperate that they stoop so low?? What are others doing?? Will we see your good editorial self appearing in Star Trek - The Next 50 Munros and the Search for Spock's Hairpiece???? You MUST PUBLISH... Your readers DEMAND TO KNOW...

Regards,

Sue Walsh

Broxbourne, Herts, Heart of Albion

Good call, Sue. Go straight to the Top Ten Babes Of All Time ...And wasn't Garth a Youth Hostel in a previous incarnation?

Dear TAC,

I note that you have a letter from that well known lackey of the lairds Tom Rigg. This grovelling subspecies is to be found in decreasing numbers all over the Highlands, with their pathetic brown-nose arguments like "We would starve without the landowners". If walkers wish to avoid this pathetic creature there is a perfectly acceptable bunkhouse on Corrour Station about one mile from Corrour Youth Hostel.

This species of fawning deer is likely to come to the fore in the near future when the landowners make their periodic attempt to restrict walkers from the traditional right to roam. At this very moment there is a Committee sitting somewhere in Scotland to mull over these issues. This Committee will no doubt consist of such un partisan elements as the Scottish Landowners Association, a few impoverished lairds and, just to show that the Committee is unprejudiced with regard to class and creed, one or two of the Tom Rigg Brown Nose variety. The plan of this Committee may well be to restrict the walker to what they quaintly call "corridors". This means in effect that walkers will be allowed to go where the landowners direct.

If this happens, then your organ will have a great responsibility to organise and orchestrate opposition to this outrageous proposal.

Yours,

Peter Gold

Glasgow

Ed. - Doesn't the Pond District already have corridors? There's a "Coridor Route" up Scafell Pike!


TAC 11 Index