The Angry Corrie 12: Apr-May 1993

10 Differences between Ben Aden and Sir Anthony Eden

  1. Ben Aden is an exceptionally rough and craggy hill in Knoydart. Sir Anthony Eden was an exceptionally smooth and sycophantic Tory Prime Minister in Albion.
  2. Water flowing east from near Ben Aden finds its way inexorably into Loch Quoich and so to the Caledonian Canal. Water flowing east from near Sir Anthony Eden found its way inexorably into the Suez Canal.
  3. Sir Anthony Eden's involvement in the so-called "Suez Crisis" led to his having to stand down as Prime Minister due to a bad dose of Sinaitis. This ailment is not to be confused with Catarrh, a small sand-covered country on the Persian Gulf.
  4. The "Suez Crisis" came about when Egypt teamed up with the basketball player Michael Jordan and the little-known Arab state of Cyrus-Vance to get stroppy with Israel. The nearest Ben Aden has ever come to something similar was when the fabled "Seven Men of Knoydart" teamed up with Hamish Henderson against another stroppy Tory grandee, "Lord" Brocket.
  5. It has been said that the current Albion Prime Minster, Sir John Major, models himself on Sir Anthony Eden. But whereas Sir Anthony became preoccupied with the "Suez Crisis", the educationally-challenged Sir John mistakenly heard this as the "Sue Us Crisis", and dispatched a judicial Task Force to lay waste to The New Statesman and Scallywag and the like.
  6. If you take a look at your World Atlas, you'll see that near the north end of the Suez Canal is a town called Dumyat. And every Scottish hillgoer knows there is a nice little hill near Stirling also called Dumyat, considerably nearer to Ben Aden. Note also that neither the Suez nor Caledonian Canals must be confused with the Crinan and Panama Canals. There is, for instance, no couthy song going: It's the Panama Canal for me / I don't care for the wide open Pacific Ocean...
  7. Ben Aden stands directly above beautiful Lochan nam Breac, at the east end of which an alluvial beach has been formed by the drop in the watertable when nearby Loch Quoich was dammed and enlarged by the hydroboard. Of course Sir Anthony Eden's entire Prime Ministerial career was beset by much larger beachlike places, when his time would have been better spent visiting Scotland's only other 1950s sandtrap, the Tannadice pitch of bold Dundee United. Their supporters are also called "Arabs", and have similarly lost a whole series of wars - usually in the Shatt-al-Hampden Waterway against the Hunnish Shi'ites.
  8. Sir Anthony Eden attended the 1954 "Geneva Summit Conference". Quite which summits were discussed remains shrouded in secrecy, but one government source reliably informs us that, yes, Ben Aden was indeed on the agenda.
  9. Ben Aden is not to be confused with Aden, another small sand-covered country quite near Suez. Similarly, Sir Anthony Eden must under no grounds be confused with Eton where he went to school - nor Eden, Garden of, a large and deciduously flat Plain not dissimilar from Albion, the very antithesis of Ben Aden. And neither the hill nor the ex-PM have anything whatsoever to do with East of Eden, a nobel by Novel-prizewinning author John Warbeck.
  10. Sir Anthony Eden was also known as the "1st Earl of Avon". This links him with another Scottish hill, Ben Avon, but more worryingly with Stratford-upon-Avon and Shakespeare. And regular readers should all know the politically-correct TAC line on that...

TAC 12 Index