The Fallen Hero
Now Jim was a Rambler,
Quite contented with his lot.
And regular each weekend,
Round the Donalds he would trot.
He didn't need the high tops
To fill him with good cheer
The exposure on Ben Ledi
Would fill his head with fear.
He never thought of climbing,
These routes he did not aspire,
He had never seen the Cuillins,
Or the In Pinn's frightening spire.
But then he joined the OMC,
Things soon began to alter.
And when he met with Kay and Pat,
This caused his heart to falter.
They told him all the climbing moves,
It was the perfect introduction.
He was hooked to this new game,
The classical seduction.
He went and bought loads of climbing gear,
Got tights, friends and hexcentrics.
He was sure the girls would think him cool,
But they thought he was just eccentric.
He used to go on all the meets,
With gear of every gauge,
Festooned with slings and ropes and tapes
You would think he was into bondage.
But alas for our poor hero
One day upon the face,
He did a rather silly thing
That made him fall from grace.
While out with our two Amazons
High up on Agag's Groove
Mother Nature called on him,
On a stance too thin to move.
Alas alack he lost his nerve,
His confidence started to sag
The only thing that he could
Was use his new chalk bag.
When it came his turn to climb,
He couldn't get any friction.
"Use your chalk" Pat laughed out -
it was Nemesis to our Man of Action.
The game was up, the dream was gone,
No photo features in Climber and Rambler.
He couldn't go up, he couldn't go down,
Stuck like a fly in Amber.
They lowered him off all the way down,
His tights got ripped asunder.
He hung there like a bag of spuds,
A sort of blighted Golden Wonder.
So for others' future guidance
Who wish to be the Human Fly,
Make sure you go before you go
And keep your powder dry.
Jim Bailey (Oban M.C.)
and a limerick
there was a young man on ben nevis
who fell in a bloody great crevice
he ripped all his goretex as he slipped in the vortex
and made an absolutely terrible mess of his nice new levi's -
TAC 12 Index