A Doctor writes...
What's all this crap about the healthy outdoors then? You'd have to be a loonie to risk it! You have been warned.
Common medical complaints of hillwalkers:
- Michael Forsyth's Hardened Heart (terminal disorder)
- Rennie McOwan's Spleen (chronic)
- Climber's Nuts (surgical emergency)
- Bothy Dysentery (endemic at Culra)
- Jimmie Macgregor's Contractual Obligations (only treated by B'Rupa) - Eh? - Ed.
- Dutch Access Disease (of growing pathological significance in the North-West)
- Muriel Gray's Alopecia (managed by restricting use of peroxide bottle)
- Cairngorm Piles (simple home surgery is very effective, ask a friend to help)
- Murdo Munro's Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (Behaviour Therapy helpful in some cases)
- Hamish MacInnes's Ice Tools (declining prevalence thought to be due to global warming)
...and not forgetting!
- Stalker's Disease (an extreme form of heavy-metal poisoning characterised by delusions of grandeur and deteriorating cerebral function)
Why take the risk? Don't bother! Hillwalking can seriously damage your health.
Maud Gonne O'Rhea MD FRCPS
TAC Medical Correspondent
TAC 16 Index