Wullie Gruff the Gamie
My name is William Gruff,
I am a gamekeeper and helluva tough.
Gruff by nature, Gruff by name
It's me that looks after the Lairdie's game.
Nature's vermin I wullnae thole
I will exterminate a hedgehog and murder a mole
I catch them in traps that break their wee necks
and when they are deid hing their boadies oan an auld wire fence.
Poachers with me dinnae cut up rough
for they a' afeared o' Wullie Gruff
I puff and blaw and dae mae stuff
for toughness is the middle name of Mr Gruff.
Oan ma estate there's nae trouble or strife
for I've nearly got rid of the native wildlife
a' that's left are deer and pheasants
and the laird evicted a' they nasty wee peasants.
Nae wildcats, nae foxes, or badgers either
auld Mither Nature's at the end o' her tether
for hares, sheep and rabbits a population explosion
and I just dinnae see the soil erosion.
Terriers, traps and guns litter the house
tae murder the things that micht eat a grouse
even pet animals my attention begs
just in case they micht traumple oan a pheasant's eggs.
Nature conservation puts ma gas oan a peep
I'd rather see a land overgrazed by sheep.
Thochts of a land commission gie me the huff
for an Anglo-Norman lackey is Wullie Gruff.
Oan cauld winter nichts I tell auld Scots stories
but then when it's time I vote for the Tories.
Ma hoose is tied, I dinnae pay rent nor rates,
it's the price of being a slave tae the big estates.
TAC 17 Index