The Angry Corrie 42: Jul-Aug 1999

TAC 42 Index

Six more Hill Horrorscopes, by Dr Dreich

Libra (September 23 - October 23)

The Sun traverses your sign. Heat-stroke will bring with it a need for intravenous fluids, skin grafting and medical insurance. Shortbread (or another dry biscuit product) will be found at the bottom of your rucksack, or perhaps in the rucksack of the one you love - do not eat it.

Lucky terrain: peat hags.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 21)

Venus, goddess of love, brings the likelihood of wild, spontaneous outdoor lovemaking. Bear this in mind, and be sure to set out with only those who would make suitable partners. Later in the month, do not ignore those mild urinary symptoms - a little action now will save trouble later.

Lucky map: OS36.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

As ever, your impulsive nature brings misery to yourself and those around you. Do not be surprised to find yourself friendless and alone by the end of the month. But a new set of hill tables will give you something with which to while away the endless hours. A leaking water bottle may cause distress.

Lucky soft drink: Diet Irn Bru.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Uranus still dominates. This means that you will be the butt of feeble jokes and objectionable puns for some time to come. Lightning strike may bring an old friendship to an abrupt but spectacular end. Rubber-soled footwear is a must throughout the month.

Lucky weather-person: Lex from Reporting Scotland.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Your water-related troubles are by no means over. Dead livestock high on the hill may make your choice of drinking water suspect. Now is the time to study up on the early symptoms of rinderpest and amoebic liver abscess. A broken crampon strap will result in a major mountain rescue call-out, on or around the 22nd.

Lucky organ: bowels.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A significant concentration of GPS satellites within your sign during the early part of the month will make accurate navigation impossible anywhere out of sight of the road. Horrific injury may occur. A mix-up with a map will bring you closer to one you hate, possibly in a snow-hole or cave.

Lucky hill journalist: Cameron McNeish.

TAC 42 Index